Can someone please explain to my Dad that I am not a ‘techie’ – I don’t fix phones, TV’s or cable and I don’t know why they go out or simply fail to work. There’s no reasonable explanation as to why things keep happening and, yes, we still have to keep paying for them.
My Dad and I are both musicians and, therefore, suitably unqualified to fix stuff – sometimes even the very instruments that we play. That’s what other people are for. And don’t bother asking us to read an instruction manual either. That’s also what other people are for.
So, the next time some household gadget or machine refuses to cooperate, I’ll just walk away and lament, “what the tech?”
An elderly Irish woman was driving home late one night, her husband in the passenger seat. Suddenly she saw flashing lights behind her. She pulled the car over and the officer walked up to her car. She lowered the window as the officer said, “Ma’am, do you know your husband fell out of the car two miles back?”
“Oh, thank goodness,” she replied. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”
(borrowed, with permission, from a friend’s Facebook post and written by Irish comedian, Hal Roach)
Why don’t people smile anymore? Walk down any city street and this is what you’ll see:
People arguing on their phones
People frowning unhappily
People rushing and bumping, unapologetically, into one another
Why bother spending an hour in the morning, getting ready to go out into the world, only to scowl and rant and rave… who’s going to notice all the time you just spent primping?
Did you ever watch or hear someone yawn and (all of a sudden) you yawn, too? It’s oddly contagious. So why doesn’t one smile beget another? You smile if you hear a baby doing that ‘uncontrollable giggle’ thing or when you see ANY animal video on YouTube. But there don’t seem to be that many moments in our own lives where we just LAUGH.
Next time you have a soda or a milkshake, try blowing bubbles through the straw… We used to love doing that as children. Or spontaneously break into a happy dance for no particular reason. If someone happens to catch you, hopefully they’ll laugh along with you. If not, you just bought yourself a one-way ticket to the funny farm!
In today’s society, we often act as our own worst critic. We have something to say about everything – the way people look or talk or smell or walk. It’s as if the whole world is a stage and we are the judges. Thanks to the glut of Reality TV, we now critique looks, talent, strength and even cooking ability.
But when an opinion is expressed about us or our behavior, we take it personally and feel the need to justify any negativity. We no longer have as thick a skin as we once did – or maybe we’re just so tired of hearing it all the time that we immediately go on the defensive.
At a certain age, people tend to believe that that, alone, allows them the freedom to express their anger or frustration because they’ve lived a long, hard life. Not so. In reality, what it does is allow us to see into our own futures and, hopefully, grant us the compassion to withhold that judgment and to acknowledge the gifts that all those years of living have bestowed!
Today I saw a young mother outside chasing after her toddler. She said, “stay on the grass,” so, naturally, the child ran toward the street instead. I thought, “well, at least she’ll get that baby weight off faster.”
Now that my own kids are grown, I have no incentive to run around and lose weight. Oh yeah. I forgot. Of course I do. It’s called constantly-running-errands-for-my-parents. Don’tget me wrong… I exercise for a few hours every day anyway. Of my own free will. I always have… (and when I say always, I mean since having children).
If it wasn’t so time consuming I’d say it was almost funny – how, as soon as I return home from running their errands, my parents remember something else I need to get for them. And, for those errands that are so close by that it’s almost easier to not have to drive and then park my car, I generally just walk. So, technically, I’m still being run ragged – although, now, I get to choose when and where I’ll lose those extra few pounds!
*** 3 simple ways to lose weight without really trying:
Eat less (try eating dinner on a dessert plate rather than on a much larger and more gluttonous dinner plate)
Move more (drive less, if possible – the planet will thank you)
Repeat (or, if you’re young and in love, have more children – that’ll keep you on your feet)*
*4 out of 5 dentists recommend it… (and, why wouldn’t they? They stand to make even more money!)
Yesterday, as I was driving Dad to the doctor, a car suddenly slowed down in front of me. The driver made a turn and then put on his blinker.
That was helpful to nobody.
When we took the elevator up to the second floor and attempted to get out, a young couple was waiting right in front of the open door. They just stood there and stared at us as if they weren’t the ones that needed to move.
That was helpful to nobody.
Then when we walked out to the car, we noticed that someone had parked in the van-accessible lines next to our handicapped spot. The reason you’re not supposed to park there is so that handicapped people have more space to get in and out of their vehicle (especially if they use a wheelchair or walker).
That was helpful to nobody.
So here’s my advice to the less than brilliant people of this world:
Think before you act. Be considerate. Rules apply to everyone (including you). Actions have consequences. And, as they like to say in the sporting world… JUST DO IT!
As a former city girl, I basically walk at one speed and one speed only… Fast. I don’t consciously do it and I certainly don’t do it to prove anything to anybody. It’s just my regular gait.
So if you’re walking with me, you’d better keep up. And if you’re near me when I’m walking, you’d better be prepared to get out of my way when I pass you. If your head is down because your eyes are focused on your phone instead of where you’re headed, you’ll hear my wrath when I tell you (in no uncertain terms), “heads up.”
If I’ve just spent the better part of the last hour grocery shopping with a bunch of senior citizens who have an unlimited amount of free time on their hands (kind of like Sunday drivers only with shopping carts), you may well experience a lot of, “excuse me’s,” and “watch your backs,” and “on your lefts.”
And when I finally get back home – I’ll be the one pushing around a heavy cart full of maybe twelve bags of groceries – and I exit the elevator and start down the hallway, be prepared to step aside as I shout, “me before you.”