“These days, about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘for fast relief…'”
“It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.”
“My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.”
Question: “What’s the best thing about being 104?”
Answer: “No peer pressure.”
Authors unknown
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway;
the good fortune to run into the ones I do;
and the eyesight to tell the difference.*
*author unknown
Why is it that everyone is always in such a rush?
There is an entire new market of drugs out there to make you thinner FASTER; smarter FASTER; and feel better FASTER. On paper that sounds pretty good but, seriously, if it used to take longer for meds to work effectively, why should we believe that shortening their use would result in some miracle cure?
And yet things like antibiotics come with warnings to make sure you ‘finish all the meds’ – even if you start to feel a lot better. Sure, some pills are ‘slow release’ for a reason. And most pills indicate on the label not to take but so many in a day. But, still, we’re in such a rush that we don’t always abide by the warnings written clearly on the bottle.
So, by all means, strive for medical perfection but don’t be surprised if the effects are short-lived!
ATD – At The Doctors
BFF – Best Friend Fell
BTW – Bring The Wheelchair
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
ROFLACGU – Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can’t Get Up
In the hardware store, the clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” my husband joked.
The clerk answered, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
****
“My memory is gone, Esther, so I changed my password to ‘INCORRECT.’ That way, when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me, ‘YOUR PASSWORD IS INCORRECT!'”
****
My wife said, “Whatcha doin’ today?”
I said, “Nothing.”
She said, “You did that yesterday.”
I said, “I wasn’t finished.”
Some hit songs of the 60’s and 70’s are being revised with new lyrics to accommodate the aging:
There’s nothing wrong with getting older. It’s almost as if the ‘over 65’ crowd is ‘the new normal.’ Aches and pains aside, more people than ever before are living into their eighties, their nineties and even living long enough to hear Willard Scott read their names (not as part of a memoriam but) on a Smuckers jar.
One noble aspect about aging is that it doesn’t discriminate – all races and genders, if they’re lucky, can be members of this inclusive club. The only rule is that you do it right… the living, that is, not the dying.
Old people are constantly portrayed as those suffering from incontinence, heart disease, arthritis and memory loss. They’re seen as cranky, unattractive, frail and forgetful. The fact of the matter is, today’s elders are actually computer literate, taking classes, starting new jobs and finding ways to improve their lives.
It’s no longer enough to just sit back and enjoy your retirement. You must keep an open mind and not be afraid to fail. You have to be open to discovery and appreciate life – especially knowing that your time may be limited.
Always remember this… You don’t get to choose how you’ll die but you sure can choose how you’ll live!
(author unknown)
A is for arthritis
B is for bad back
C is for the chest pains – corned beef?cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline
E is for eyesight – can’t read that top line
F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas (which I’d rather not mention – and not to forget other gastrointestinal glitches)
H is high blood pressure
I is for itches and lots of incisions
J is for joints, that now fail to flex
L is libido – what happened to sex?
Wait! I forgot about K!
K is for my knees – that crack all the time
(But forgive me, I get a few lapses in my
Memory from time to time)
N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff)
and neurosis
O is for osteo – for all the bones that crack
P is for prescriptions, that cost a small fortune
Q is for queasiness. Fatal or just the flu?
Give me another pill and I’ll be good as new!
R is for reflux – one meal turns into two
S is for sleepless nights (counting fears on how to pay my medical bills)
T is for tinnitus – I hear bells in my ears
And the word ‘terminal’ also rings too near
U is for urinary and the difficulties that flow (or not)
V is for vertigo, as life spins by
W is worry, for pains yet unfound
X is for x-ray and what one might find
Y is for year (another one, I’m still alive)
Z is for zest
For surviving the symptoms my body’s deployed
And keeping 26 doctors gainfully employed
We spend countless hours on our looks and on our bodies – lotions, spas, gyms, power drinks – so why don’t we spend any time trying to improve our minds? Yes, we play games on our computers and do crossword puzzles and the like. But, since graduating from school (be it HS or college), we haven’t properly exercised our brains.
Try these experiments:
How did you do? I was visiting my son some weeks ago and, all of a sudden, I remembered a name we had both drawn blanks on in a recent phone conversation. We laughed. But it just goes to show you… It’s easy to forget but it’s redemptive to remember!
hellomuddah hellofadduh 