Just Drink Up

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We’ve known for quite a while that cough medicines don’t work. Sure, they soothe your throat as they’re going down but doctors have always told us they are not a cure for a cough or a sore throat. It’s one of those annoying things that just has to ‘run its course.’

It’s really amazing the number of things consumers are willing to try… just because. We’re in such a rush, all the time, that we can’t even let the most natural occurrence just happen in real time. We convince ourselves that any number of ‘over-the-counter’ miracle cures will lessen our suffering.

So, if you’re one of the millions of people who would rather risk ruining your teeth or ingesting Red #40 (personally, I’ve just always loved the taste of Robitussin) then by all means, just drink up!

Senior Citizens Texting

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Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:

BFF: Best Friend Fainted

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicaid

FWB: Friend With Beta-Blocker

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

You’re Old If…

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You’re old if…

  • Everything hurts and, what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work anyway.
  • You get winded playing chess.
  • Your children begin to look middle aged.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
  • Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.
  • Dialing long distance wears you out.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You answer automatically when someone addresses you as “Old Timer.”
  • You burn your midnight oil at 8pm.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl walk by.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
  • The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

The Ultimate Lesson

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I never thought it would happen but it did… I got sick. Normally that wouldn’t be a catastrophic event except for the fact that I am currently my parents’ caretaker and I’m not supposed to get sick.

Who’s gonna take care of ME now?

Of course, all throughout my illness, my Mom kept asking if there was anything she could do for me but the last thing I wanted was for either of them to get sick, too. So, that’s my dilemma.

Mom was always my caretaker. Even after I left for college, she would tell me to come home if I got sick so that she could take care of me (like that was ever going to happen). And when I eventually got married and had a husband to take care of me, she still insisted on being there for me if at all possible.

I understand that feeling all too well because I hate it when my kids get sick. All I want to do is take the pain and misery away. It’s a mother’s curse. So, as I continue to avoid my parents while trying to prevent them from catching my germs, I learn the ultimate lesson… “Once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.”*

*Jodi Picoult: My Sister’s Keeper

Absent Minded Octogenarian

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I think we all need a little levity and a big smile today so…

(Unknown author)

An octogenarian visited his doctor
“I think I’m getting senile,” he said.
The doctor replied, “I don’t think you are senile.
Let’s look for a different diagnosis instead.”
“But I keep forgetting to do up my fly,”
the old man said, “after I’ve been for a pee.”
The doctor smiled and then replied,
“Not opening your fly before you start, that’s senility.”