Ladies Speaking Out

There are no calories:

• In foods you are only tasting
• In snacks toddlers leave behind
• In anything containing fruit

If men had men-o-pause:

• They would celebrate with a ticker tape parade
• There would be a pill for it (like Viagara)
• Billions of tax dollars would be set aside to research fighting discomfort

Age really is a state of mind:

• Don’t worry about how many good years you have left… Live in the present
• Treat each new decade as a beginning not an end
• Just because you may not ‘look great for your age’ doesn’t mean you can’t ‘feel great’

Wrinkles actually mean:

• A life well lived
• A life full of laughter and joy
• A life lived without caring what others think

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More Seniors Texting

ATD – At The Doctors

BFF – Best Friend Fell

BTW – Bring The Wheelchair

FWIW – Forgot Where I Was

ROFLACGU – Rolling On Floor Laughing  And Can’t Get Up

 

10 Rhetorical Questions

1) How could I be so stupid?

2) Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?

3) Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

4) If you see a heat wave should you wave back?

5) Why are there Braille dots on the keypad of the drive thru ATM?

6) Why are softballs hard?

7) Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

8) Why is a professional who invests your money called a broker?

9) Why is it called a drive thru if you have to stop?

10) Why do they call it getting your dog ‘fixed’ if it doesn’t work afterwards?

Absent Minded Octogenarian

I think we all need a little levity and a big smile today so…

(Unknown author)

An octogenarian visited his doctor
“I think I’m getting senile,” he said.
The doctor replied, “I don’t think you are senile.
Let’s look for a different diagnosis instead.”
“But I keep forgetting to do up my fly,”
the old man said, “after I’ve been for a pee.”
The doctor smiled and then replied,
“Not opening your fly before you start, that’s senility.”

An Uphill Descent

We’ve all heard the expression: ‘one step forward, two steps back.’ It seems like every time I come up with an idea to make my Dad’s life better it just makes my life more difficult.

Case in point… I got him some books on tape to listen to (he likes comedians but only dead or nearly dead ones; no women and the routines should be rated R). So now I have to be around to put in the tape, turn it on, turn it off when it’s done – meaning I have to plan to be around for approximately an hour. But that’s okay. 

And even though his macular degeneration makes it cruelly difficult for him to see the tv, I do tape the programs he likes to ‘watch’ (he’s, oftentimes, sleeping through them when they’re regularly on). However, then I must stick around for slightly less than an hour to fast forward through all the commercials.

So, in my attempt to keep him happy and to fill his days with some small amount of joy and laughter, I partake in what I lovingly call, an uphill descent!

Laughing Through Tears

There are some things that are funny no matter what your age. When you’re a toddler, a simple prat fall or bathroom noise can set you off into near hysterics. Sometimes, after laughing really hard and for an extended period of time, you might even be brought to tears.

Today’s social media is full of YouTube videos, Instagram and Vimeo. People spend hours laughing, alone or with friends and colleagues, at the silliness captured on film involving babies and small animals. It’s really quite a phenomenon.

But once you reach a certain age, you’re just as libel to laugh as pee. Seriously. The two start to act in tandem and the slight leakage you accidentally experience becomes involuntary.

So, next time you plan on attending a live comedy event or getting together with some old friends (especially if alcohol is involved), slap on a pair of Depends and just go with the flow!