It’s That Time…

Last weekend I went out to dinner. My table was still set with the orange napkins they used for Halloween. On the windowsill next to me a gaudy, red and green Xmas decoration peeked over onto my place setting.

Considering it was the second week of November in New York and it was still in the 60’s, I can’t help but wonder why I couldn’t, instead, have enjoyed a little dressed-up Mr. Turkey or some cornucopia.

Is it too much to ask for a little equal time for Thanksgiving celebrating? Since when does Xmas begin right after Halloween? Doesn’t ‘Santa’ usually appear at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? 

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Do What Now?

I took my Mom to the doctor the other day. When she checked in, they gave her a tablet and asked her to check that the info on it was correct.

1) My Mom does NOT know how to use a tablet. She doesn’t even own a cell phone. Or a computer. So how was she supposed to operate this devise without my help?

2) The writing was so small and light she wouldn’t have been able to see it even if she understood how to ‘click’ and ‘swipe.’

3) I know it’s 2016 (and, believe me, I’ve tried to get her to up her ‘tech’-nique) but Mom still uses a wall phone, asks for a written-out appointment card and even needs help filling out (paper) medical forms.

Is this what I have to look forward to now? After driving my parents to their doctors appointments, answering their medical questionnaires to ‘100% completion’ and picking up their meds will I, at some point, be asked to ‘go to the doctor for them’ as well?

Where Is Grandma?

The computer swallowed grandma
Yes, honestly it’s true.
She pressed ‘control’ and ‘enter’
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely.
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My search it did refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found online.

So, if inside your ‘inbox’
My grandma you should see,
Please ‘copy,’ ‘scan,’ and ‘paste’ her
And send her back to me!*

*unknown author

Advice Worth Taking

I find it amazing that the very people (our parents and grandparents) who taught us life lessons can be so hypocritical when it comes to the ‘new’ generation.

I was taught:

• No sleeping together before marriage
• Marriage before children
• Go to college and then get a job
• No car till you can afford gas and insurance

Now, my parents (I have no living grandparents) allow their grandkids to do pretty much whatever they want. There are suddenly no more rules or restrictions and they even help finance some of these questionable choices.

What’s a modern parent to do… Is turnabout fair play? Perhaps that dreaded nursing home is starting to look a bit more tempting! 😉

 

Now That’s Entertainment

 

In the hardware store, the clerk asked, “Can I help you find anything?”

“How about my misspent youth,” my husband joked.

The clerk answered, “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”

****

“My memory is gone, Esther, so I changed my password to ‘INCORRECT.’ That way, when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me, ‘YOUR PASSWORD IS INCORRECT!'”

****

My wife said, “Whatcha doin’ today?”

I said, “Nothing.”

She said, “You did that yesterday.”

I said, “I wasn’t finished.”

Make ‘Em Laugh

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, “was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out, “was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She ‘knocks on wood’ for good measure and then replies, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door!”

Just Be Yourself

Ever ask yourself why there’s so much bullying and hatred in the world today? Social media has a great deal to do with it but it can only manifest and spread with the help of those participating in it.

I remember a time when you’d happily share good news with friends and family through a phone call or a mailed letter. Sadly, now people seem to prefer criticizing and making fun of others’ news because so much of it is put out there with no regard for personal responsibility or accountability.

We try to teach our children about respect for elders but all they see around them – especially from politicians, clergy, teachers and coaches – is a growing epidemic of name calling, physical and emotional abuse and blatant disrespect.

No one, regardless of his/her bloodline, was born into this world any better or more deserving than another.

It is not up to us to judge but, rather, to be the very best we can be. It’s well past time to concern ourselves with our own wellbeing and to let others just be themselves!

All The Benefits

A senior citizen said to his 80 year old buddy:

“So I see you’re getting married.”
“Yep.”
“Do I know her?”
“Nope.”
“This woman. Is she good looking?”
“Not really.”
“Is she a good cook?”
“Nah. She can’t cook too well.”
“Does she have lots of money?”
“Nope. Poor as a church mouse.”
“Well, then. Is she good in bed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why in the world would you want to marry her, then?”
“Because she can still drive after dark!”

Oldies But Goodies

Some hit songs of the 60’s and 70’s are being revised with new lyrics to accommodate the aging:

• Herman’s Hermits: Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Walker
• The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?
• Bobby Darin: Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ A Flash
• Ringo Starr: I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
• Roberta Flack: The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face  
• Commodores: Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
• Leo Sayer: You Make Me Feel Like Napping

 

Disrupt Aging Now

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

Sadly, that’s a more truthful answer than you’d like to believe. Elderly people get a bum rap. They’re made fun of and they’re underestimated. Older folks have always been depicted as decrepit and powerless in movies and on TV. They are often seen as victims and tend to be the brunt of youngsters’ jokes.

But the joke isn’t on them… It’s on the jokesters themselves.

Celebrities like Betty White and politicians like Jimmy Carter can teach us all a thing or two. They’ve not let time slow them down. They are as active and as productive as ever.

So, next time you see an elderly person (possibly even walking with the help of a cane or a walker), don’t assume they need your pity or your assistance. They may surprise you!*

 

*holding the door open for YOU or even bopping you on the head with their handbag like Ruth Buzzi @Laugh-In