Have You Heard…?

Without getting all political, it seems like our world has gotten way too gossipy. It used to be that only teenage girls and the elderly sat around gossiping. Now, it’s become America’s favorite pastime.

With all the hours we put into our jobs and caring for our families, it’s amazing that so many people have sooooo much free time on their hands. Can you imagine if all that free time was spent, say, volunteering rather than trolling the Internet?

Or am I the only one who remembers being told, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?!”*

*Happy and Healthy 2017!

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Something For Everyone

If you’re still at an age where you’re working full time, you probably haven’t thought much about retirement. Unless, of course, you’re miserably unhappy at your current job. Or you’re close to retirement age and you’re just counting down the days or years till you can sit home and collect Social Security.

In today’s society, with people living longer lives, there’s a strange new phenomenon whereby as soon as someone retires, they immediately look for part-time work. I guess, for some people, the idea of relaxing and enjoying your ‘golden years’ is unheard of and, after all, why would someone want to spend all their time at home… with their loving spouse or, perhaps, traveling the world together??

In my opinion, some people just aren’t capable of being happy and others are only so when ‘they’ are the most important person in their life!

 

Make ‘Em Laugh

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, “was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out, “was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She ‘knocks on wood’ for good measure and then replies, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door!”

Listen And Learn

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
• Middle age is when the broadness of mind and the narrowness of waist trade places.
• For some, the idea of housework is to ‘sweep’ the room at a glance.
• The ‘other’ line always moves faster – until you get in it.

You’re Old If…

You’re old if…

• Everything hurts and, what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work anyway.
• You get winded playing chess.
• Your children begin to look middle aged.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
• Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.
• Dialing long distance wears you out.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You answer automatically when someone addresses you as “Old Timer.”
• You burn your midnight oil at 8pm.
• You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
• Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl walk by.
• You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
• The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

10 Rhetorical Questions

1) How could I be so stupid?

2) Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?

3) Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

4) If you see a heat wave should you wave back?

5) Why are there Braille dots on the keypad of the drive thru ATM?

6) Why are softballs hard?

7) Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

8) Why is a professional who invests your money called a broker?

9) Why is it called a drive thru if you have to stop?

10) Why do they call it getting your dog ‘fixed’ if it doesn’t work afterwards?

Disrupt Aging Now

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

Sadly, that’s a more truthful answer than you’d like to believe. Elderly people get a bum rap. They’re made fun of and they’re underestimated. Older folks have always been depicted as decrepit and powerless in movies and on TV. They are often seen as victims and tend to be the brunt of youngsters’ jokes.

But the joke isn’t on them… It’s on the jokesters themselves.

Celebrities like Betty White and politicians like Jimmy Carter can teach us all a thing or two. They’ve not let time slow them down. They are as active and as productive as ever.

So, next time you see an elderly person (possibly even walking with the help of a cane or a walker), don’t assume they need your pity or your assistance. They may surprise you!*

 

*holding the door open for YOU or even bopping you on the head with their handbag like Ruth Buzzi @Laugh-In

My Greatest Accomplishments

When I made the decision to not only have children but also to raise them myself, I took a lot of criticism from people who had no qualms about letting others raise their own kids. I never voiced my opinion about their decision to work full time and hire strangers to look after their children and I expected at least that much in return.

It’s funny how people view the same situation in such different ways.

Be that as it may, I consider myself lucky to have been able to devote all my attention to my sons and I never regretted that choice.

When I decided to take care of my aging parents I could do no less than that. My parents gave me life just as I gave life to my children. The choice was a no brainier. I am fortunate that, even in their eighties, both my parents are still in my life.

Loving and caring for someone is not a part time job – it’s a lifetime commitment. 

Not that it’s been easy, by any means, but the benefits of this unique living arrangement far outweigh the difficulties we’ve endured. Living with and caring for elderly parents is not a choice to be made lightly. It may not be the right choice for everyone. It takes a lot of hard work and a ton of patience but it can also be one of the most rewarding and selfless things you will ever do!

Witty And Wise

An elderly Irish woman was driving home late one night, her husband in the passenger seat. Suddenly she saw flashing lights behind her. She pulled the car over and the officer walked up to her car. She lowered the window as the officer said, “Ma’am, do you know your husband fell out of the car two miles back?”

“Oh, thank goodness,” she replied. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

(borrowed, with permission, from a friend’s Facebook post and written by Irish comedian, Hal Roach)

Here’s hoping Irish ‘ears’ are smiling today 🙂

The New Normal

There’s nothing wrong with getting older. It’s almost as if the ‘over 65’ crowd is ‘the new normal.’ Aches and pains aside, more people than ever before are living into their eighties, their nineties and even living long enough to hear Willard Scott read their names (not as part of a memoriam but) on a Smuckers jar.

One noble aspect about aging is that it doesn’t discriminate – all races and genders, if they’re lucky, can be members of this inclusive club. The only rule is that you do it right… the living, that is, not the dying.

Old people are constantly portrayed as those suffering from incontinence, heart disease, arthritis and memory loss. They’re seen as cranky, unattractive, frail and forgetful. The fact of the matter is, today’s elders are actually computer literate, taking classes, starting new jobs and finding ways to improve their lives.

It’s no longer enough to just sit back and enjoy your retirement. You must keep an open mind and not be afraid to fail. You have to be open to discovery and appreciate life – especially knowing that your time may be limited.

Always remember this… You don’t get to choose how you’ll die but you sure can choose how you’ll live!