You’re old if…
- Everything hurts and, what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work anyway.
- You get winded playing chess.
- Your children begin to look middle aged.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
- Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.
- Dialing long distance wears you out.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- You answer automatically when someone addresses you as “Old Timer.”
- You burn your midnight oil at 8pm.
- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
- Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl walk by.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
- The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.