You’re Old If…

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You’re old if…

  • Everything hurts and, what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work anyway.
  • You get winded playing chess.
  • Your children begin to look middle aged.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
  • Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.
  • Dialing long distance wears you out.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You answer automatically when someone addresses you as “Old Timer.”
  • You burn your midnight oil at 8pm.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl walk by.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
  • The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
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Witty And Wise

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An elderly Irish woman was driving home late one night, her husband in the passenger seat. Suddenly she saw flashing lights behind her. She pulled the car over and the officer walked up to her car. She lowered the window as the officer said, “Ma’am, do you know your husband fell out of the car two miles back?”

“Oh, thank goodness,” she replied. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

(borrowed, with permission, from a friend’s Facebook post and written by Irish comedian, Hal Roach)

Here’s hoping Irish ‘ears’ are smiling today 🙂

Take A Pill

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As spoiled Americans, we eat what we want and we smoke and drink in excess – irregardless of all the warnings from our doctors and the surgeon general. Then we sit back (because we sit way too much) and complain when we don’t feel well.

For some people, the solution is rather simple – “take a pill.” Or two. Or… We are notorious blamers. But we never want to take responsibility for our own actions. It’s so much easier to place the blame elsewhere. Or to expect a miracle at the last minute.

I have, personally, never liked taking pills. I will always try to find a more natural way to deal with any conditions or complications that arise. I only recently started taking vitamins – and only 3 each morning – to help give me more energy and to stave off the cold which permeates my bones and fingers and toes almost daily.

So… “to pill or not to pill?” That’s up to the individual (or their doctor). For me, I choose to eat right, abstain from drinking and smoking and, hopefully, I’ll live long (and well enough) to not regret it!

Beat The Bank

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I really hate the fact that the older I get, the more tired I am and the less sleep I seem to be getting. I’m now one of the millions of Americans that relies on sleeping pills for a decent night’s sleep. So, on those occasions that I find myself exercising my right to a good night’s rest, the last thing I expect is to be woken up from a deep sleep before dawn.

To be clear, there was no fire, no medical emergency and no reason whatsoever that my slumber should have been disturbed. But it was. And the reason… Dad wanted to get to the bank to deposit a check. At 5:42 AM.

Now, I don’t know where you live but I’m pretty sure your local bank does not open at 5:42 in the morning. And we’re not talking about the ATM machine either. My Dad only deals with real live tellers who sit behind their windows inside the bank.

I tried to convince him that I would not be up and showered and dressed anywhere near that early but he insisted on being ready… just in case. 

So he waited, patiently, just so he could beat the bank!